In a world that often glorifies the display of relentless 'optimism', the concept of 'toxic positivity' is something that I find myself reflecting on frequently, both as a therapist and as a human being. The idea that we should always look on the bright side, that we should push through difficult emotions with a smile, can feel suffocating. While optimism has its place, there is a stark difference between genuine hope or joy, and the dismissal of real, complex and often uncomfortable emotions.

As a therapist, I’ve seen how harmful this pressure to be perpetually positive can be. Clients come to me feeling guilty for their sadness, ashamed of their anger, or confused about why they can’t simply ‘let go’ and ‘move on.’ They have absorbed the cultural message that negative emotions are a sign of weakness rather than a natural part of being human. But when we suppress our emotions under the weight of forced positivity, they don’t disappear—they fester. They show up in unexpected ways, through anxiety, physical symptoms, or a deep sense of disconnection from ourselves.

Emotional avoidance is often at the heart of toxic positivity. It’s understandable why people gravitate toward avoiding discomfort—sitting with difficult emotions is hard. It requires vulnerability, and that can feel terrifying. But true emotional well-being doesn’t come from avoiding pain; it comes from allowing ourselves to experience and process it. Therapy provides a space where those emotions can exist without judgment, where they don’t need to be fixed or dismissed but simply acknowledged.

I often encourage my clients to move away from the all-or-nothing thinking that toxic positivity creates. Instead of ‘good vibes only,’ what if we embraced ‘all feelings welcome’? Instead of shutting down sadness with ‘everything happens for a reason,’ what if we offered ourselves compassion and curiosity? What if we made space for both joy and pain, recognising that one does not cancel out the other but rather coexists as part of our human experience?

I reflect on this in my own life too. There are very many moments when I catch myself wanting to bypass difficult emotions, to intellectualise them rather than feel them. But I remind myself that being alive, as well as being human, naturally c0mes with complex experiences and varied emotions. That 'feeling' something should not be about analysing or eliminating discomfort but learning to 'sit with it', to hold 'it' with kindness, and to allow 'it' to move through me rather than getting stuck.

If we could shift our cultural mindset to accept the full range of human emotions rather than fear them, we might find that true resilience comes not from suppressing pain, but from facing it with honesty and self-compassion. And in doing so, we would offer ourselves the freedom to be fully human, in all our messiness and beauty.

Zuzana Antalikova
Trauma-Informed Integrative Counsellor, MBACP
Supporting your journey of self-exploration with compassion and care.
www.selfreach-counselling.co.uk
info@selfreach-counselling.co.uk